We’ve all been there. Those times when it feels like we aren’t in control of our lives. at. all. When we’re struggling to keep all the balls in the air, pushing ourselves to hold it together. When it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what we need to do. When we are going, going, going non-stop. At some point we look up and realize shit has gotten out of hand. We can’t remember the last time we had a good night’s rest, let alone did something we really enjoyed.
It may be a huge deadline we’ve had looming which had us subsisting on boxed mac ’n cheese and coffee for a week. Sometimes the crazy is caused by a huge change or transition – a new job, a new relationship, a baby, a divorce, a death. We may be overjoyed or overwhelmed. Whatever the case, at some point we realize that we need to accept our lives are out of control and get grounded again. Depending on the situation, we may not have actual control over what’s happening. Surrendering to that can be difficult. At the same time, we can also take the time to check in with ourselves and see what’s out of balance, and adjust however we can.
Changes and upheavals in our lives create a lot of feelings for us. We may be grieving, excited, scared, frustrated, or many things at once. Being loving toward ourselves during this time is absolutely necessary. This starts with letting go of any judgment we have about what’s happened and treating ourselves with compassion.
This can be difficult, as we are often conditioned to blame ourselves when things go wrong or get out of control. We’re also conditioned to blame ourselves for not handling positive things gracefully. Getting caught in the blame cycle is tricky because if we’re not blaming ourselves then we’re blaming someone else. Try to remember that even when things are awful, there is likely something we can do to make ourselves feel better, to comfort ourselves, to give ourselves what we need. We can still empower ourselves when things are a mess.
Even if we have created the change ourselves, transitions are hard and we can feel really disconnected from ourselves. We may not recognize parts of our lives and who we are. We can have certain habits and behavior patterns taken away. Even when we were longing for things to change and were miserable, a part of that was comfortable because it was familiar. Allow yourself time to adjust to the change, and figure out what kind of support you need to get you through.
Learning how to adjust to change, how to create a new process for ourselves when things get crazy, is a skill we can develop. It requires self-awareness. It means getting clear about your needs and prioritizing them. This is something we can always come back to. Life is always changing, sometimes in more painful ways than others. Learning how to listen to ourselves and use what we hear and feel to create the experience we want is something we can always practice.
Here are some ways to love yourself when life gets crazy:
Pause. Take a deep breath. Check in with yourself and really ask yourself how you’re doing. How are you feeling? What’s happening with your body? Are you hungry, thirsty? Have you been sleeping? What do you need to do in this moment for yourself? Do that thing. It’s ok to slow down and take a minute. Take ten.
Take care. Prioritize your physical health and wellness. Take the time to provide for your basic needs. Take care of your body. You need to eat and sleep. You probably also need time to grocery shop, do yoga, and be with your loved ones. Make the time. Schedule it if you have to.
Heal thyself. Meditate. Pray. Smudge yourself and your living space. Light incense and center your energy with crystals. Write in your journal. Set positive intentions for yourself. Get a Reiki treatment. Get a message. Trust your intuition to guide you toward what you need.
Clear out. What’s your physical space looking like? Crazy? Get into it. Clean up, organize, and make your space into a supportive one. Bring some flowers in. Let go of crap you don’t need which weighs you down. Make your space exactly how you want.
Speak love. Say nice things to yourself. Write yourself love letters. Journal affirmations. Tell yourself things you would love to hear right now. Use language which makes you feel calm and centered. Remind yourself of how amazing you are. List all the ways.
Do what loves you back. Do an activity for no other reason than that it brings you joy and makes you feel good. What do you love to do? Read? Dance? Go to the movies? Travel? Do it. Don’t put off your own happiness.
Mind your mental health. What’s going on with you emotionally and mentally? Are you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed? Getting caught in self-blame and negative self-talk? It’s normal to experience multiple signs of stress when life gets crazy. Learn to recognize what those signs are for you. Check in with your mental health and assess whether you need some help in this area.
Get support. If you need help, ask for it. Ask your partner to help with the chores. Ask your boss for time off. You don’t have to struggle alone. Find someone to listen. Connect with your community. Get a babysitter. Get a coach. Get a therapist. Accept and receive the help and support that is available to you.
If you need support & tools for navigating change and transition in your life, I look forward to connecting over a session.